The other day I posted this amazing piece of writing by Sonny Carroll titled The Awakening. It is lengthy so I understand if it was missed or skimmed, but I encourage you to take the time–when you truly have the time–to read it. I was, and still am deeply moved by the wisdom, and in all honesty was hit square in the face with my awakening. While I connect with several sentences and paragraphs, I realize the many areas I am lacking and understand I have so much [more] to learn in this life before I am remotely close to being in that overall stage of life.

I read this very post about a year ago and it didn’t seem to strike a chord within me as it did last week. Last week was a emotional week, and three things hit me hard:

A specific scene from an episode of Sex and the City
Lifting Your Eyes Off The Weeds, by Max Lucado, and
The Awakening, by Sonny Carroll

I caught this episode one night last week (gotta love those reruns!):

I have always been the person everyone goes to, to vent, talk things out, gain perspective, a shoulder to cry on, get advice, etc. I have also had the same phone number for over 10 years, and my friends know it will ALWAYS be on and no matter what time it is, I will answer (drives the boyfriend nuts!).

That being said, I am guilty for saying the exact same thing Miranda said to Carrie (1:17 – 1:26) to one of my friends. I was fed up with this friend crying over her “Mr. Big” and interminably going back to him.

I am also guilty of what Carrie accuses Miranda of: “writing people off” – I have always referred to this as the light switch, that can be turned on or off, and in my past (and probably now..) it was “easy” for me to write people off. When people crossed a line with me, I was done.

And finally, another thing I do that Miranda did in this scene is: walk away. 

It is more often with my close family, those I love most and drive me crazy. In arguments or times where I am boiling over, I find myself lost for words or so overwhelmed with emotions all I can do is walk away. 

While reading this:

It’s so easy to be ungrateful—to make the mistake my friend’s caddie made. 

Scott’s a professional golfer who plays at the Masters Golf Tournament hosted by the Augusta National Golf Club. The Augusta National is to golfers what the Smithsonian is to history buffs: the ultimate experience! You’d think you walked into an oil painting. Groomers manicure that course as if she’s a wedding-day bride. 

Scott said, “You won’t see a single weed all week!” 

Imagine Scott’s surprise when his caddie announced, “I found one!” 

Don’t we do the same? We walk in a garden of grace. God’s love sprouts around us like lilacs—but we go on weed hunts. How many flowers do we miss in the process? 

Lift your eyes off the weeds. Collect your blessings—His kindnesses. 

Assemble your reasons for gratitude. And choose to make every day—a great day!

I couldn’t help but read between the lines. Maybe Carrie was right (1:30~). To top it off, I think I’m Scott’s Caddie! How many flowers have I missed while spotting weeds? No one is perfect, and we all need encouragement – which I know – so why am I so tough all the time?

Unconditional love is so important, and we are so lucky to have it. While I may be strong and stubborn, I am equally sensitive and care for every person I am blessed to have in my life, and don’t want to lose them because I fail to lift my eyes off the weeds.

I think it is safe to say the last three months have been an emotional toll on my family, and last week some things came to a head between my Mom and I. We had a heart wrenching fight that ended in fiercely hot tears.

One of the toughest things [for me] in life so far has been letting go. Speechless Sunday #11 is probably one of my favorites because to me that photo is priceless and that song is timeless.. Isn’t it wonderful how you can read or listen to something one day and interpret it this way — then — read or listen to it another day and interpret it a different way — all because of where we are in life. 

Lately I have observed the Lord blatantly orchestrating my life, and I respectfully fear His authority, but also rejoice in His direction. He is my wonderful Counselor, and His love endures forever.

I have to consciously remember to surrender it all to Him, and never stop praying. Too often I get caught up in the “I can do it myself” frame of mind, when in reality who wouldn’t want His guidance?

PS: I wanted to let you all know in case you missed this post on facebook — last week’s doctor’s appointments revealed good news of progression in the right direction. My Dad will have another CT scan in 3-months, and we’re hoping for even better results. With permission, I will be sharing more details in future posts. Until then, please know all your prayers are appreciated and are with out a doubt being heard! We are so thankful for our Prayer Warriors, it means so much to us! Thank you Lord!! ♥


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12 thoughts on “Reflection

  1. Thank goodness you guys received some good news about your Dad! We are so much alike it isn't even funny or maybe it is since I'm giggling to myself thinking about it. I answer my phone at all hours too often getting up out of bed to take a call to the den in the middle of the night (Allan never wakes up so usually he has no idea!).

  2. This post is so beautifully written and I love how it comes straight from your heart. This is why I love reading blogs. These posts right here.

    So glad that it was good news for your dad! Saying a prayer for him!

  3. glad there was good news about your dad! this was such a well-written post in so many ways. i could relate to several things you said and feel that i have much to ponder about after i type this. have a wonderful night!

  4. I'm so, so, so happy about the good news your dad got! I hope and pray things go as well with the next scan! 🙂

    And on the flipside, I'm so sorry about your fight with your mom. I hope it was just the stress of family illness and that you two are okay. 😦

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